Starfish: Habodes Tells All
by flyingleper
Summary: This is a spoof of some nature show, it's just me who knows nothing and I will tell you about starfish and how they are cool and wiggly and stupid at the same time. It is a must-read if I do say so myself.


Starfish  
  
Before I start, I just wanted to let you know that some of the things in this article will mean nothing to you, but if I took out all the inside jokes, I'd be left with about one sentence. R and R, please!!!   
  
Hi there, loyal readers! I am Sukies the mental case slash nature show host and today we will be looking at the strange creature that is a starfish. I like starfish. Yes, I do, I like those little creatures that are bumpy and stick to smooth surfaces like my uncle Liouk's head. Is that not the most fascinating thing you have heard all day? It wasn't? No kidding. If it was, you would have no life, just like a dead person. Well, even if it was the second most fascinating thing all day (since you probably just listened to the Rasputine song, which happens to be very fascinating), this is the article for you, mainly because I said so.  
  
For your information, starfish are alive. Yep, they don't look alive, but according to me, they are, so you better believe it, they're as alive as drunk squirrels, yep. I know this is hard to believe because if you poked a very lovely specimen with a stick, unlike other animals, it would not bite you and you would not get the slightest symptom of Rabies. Because you would not have it and starfish don't carry Rabies, they carry "Spitting llama cockroach week old casserole O-Town dead ferret sock smell I will poke you bad evil man syndrome." I am infected.  
  
Do not be fooled! They may not bite you, but they do have mouths. or at least they better because how would they eat? Through their nostrils? Heck, do they have nostrils? I don't actually know much about starfish, I'm just pretending I do. The starfish has a mouth in the middle of him if you turn him over. It is not a bellybutton, but it probably looks like one but I wouldn't know because I've never owned a starfish. I would like to, though. Wouldn't you? you could stick your finger in their mouth, but that would be very mean and I would be forced to whack you with a salami. Speaking of salami, starfish do not eat salami. They detest it, as do I. Don't eat salami, it makes you stupid and in rare cases makes you grow a unibrow. I once met a man who ate salami a lot and he was so stupid that he tried to eat his tongue and he talked all day to inanimate objects. He ate salami for one month and thirty-six days. One month and thirty-six days. Sounds like a movie. It is not a blockbuster, though. It is very boring and has Leonardo DiCaprio in it.  
  
What do starfish eat? Well, I don't really know, but who actually does? Maybe I could some day become a starfishologist, then I would know everything about them, even how they go to the washroom. Because I have no idea. I think starfish eat Kentucky Fried Chicken. Maybe not, it's just a theory. The colonel is bad. He once ate a starfish because someone dared him to, namely a chicken. That is why he is evil and I don't eat his artery-clogging creations.  
  
This article is not exciting, you may be thinking. But starfish are the contrary. They are very exciting. I wonder if they have brains. I'll ask my 8-ball, but not Jeeves. Don't ask Jeeves, he is very stupid. Starfish look inanimate to the naked eye, but if you record them doing nothing all day and fast-forward it, you will realize that they are wiggly and googly and scrabbly; very fun indeed. I found this out when I was watching this Imax movie on sea creatures. They sped up the starfish and they were so cool and there was music in the background, so it looked like they were dancing. I laughed so hard that my family threatened to kick me out of the theater.  
  
Wow! Aren't starfish the greatest? I told you, you nincompoop! Bwahahaha! Maybe now you will consider getting a starfish as a pet. And maybe you could invite me to your house so I could check to see if it had a mouth. That would be very nice of you. Don't eat your pet starfish. Go eat pudding. I like pudding. It is good for you and doesn't make you stupid. Except chocolate pudding is bad because people get it all over their face and you are talking to them and they smell weird and look like they don't know how to eat and it is not pleasant. 


End file.
